What Your Favorite Branson Reese Comic Says About You

Branson Reese self-portrait

Comedian / illustrator Branson Reese blesses our Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter timelines with a new comic every single day. But did you know your favorite absurdist webcomic can reveal a lot about your personality? I put together a list of some of Branson’s most-loved work and flexed my woman’s intuition. Here’s what your favorite Branson Reese comic says about you:


You’ve been a Bran Fan since day one. Knowing about things before they’re massively popular is, for better or worse, your biggest source of pride. You’re the kind of small-business loving millennial that killed Applebee’s! 


You’re a child of divorce and worry that you might not be a great parent when the time comes. Don’t worry, you’re a better person than you think.


Whenever something good happens to you, you inevitably lie awake thinking of a time you fucked something up. Whether you accidentally insulted someone (and immediately apologized, of course), committed a professional faux pas, or lost something valuable, it’s time to let it go!

Animal Crackers

You were in the gifted program in elementary school and did well in middle and high school without having to try very hard. But college proved challenging for you, and your career has been largely determined by taking jobs because you needed them, not because you were genuinely invested in the work. At 30, you’re at an impasse: longing for fulfilling work, lacking the time or resources necessary for vocational self-discovery, and desperately floundering under massive debt. Maybe it’s time to accept that most people live unremarkable lives and get comfy with the idea of just doing as little harm as possible with your time on this Earth. Your ship has sailed, and that’s okay.

Adam Names the Animals

Your week started off bad when you lost your wallet and has just gotten progressively worse. Diet be damned, you deserve a Snickers bar for dinner! You’ll eat it on a subway train with broken air conditioning and it will be extremely unsatisfying. It’ll make your cavities hurt and you’ll remember that you haven’t been to the dentist in six years, you don’t have dental insurance, and the looming ACA repeal will strip you of what little coverage you have, leaving you vulnerable to your chronic thyroid disease and premature arthritis. You think about calling your Senator, but remember you live in a firmly Democratic state. There’s little, if anything you can do to delay the inevitable.

Beauty and the Beast

Your name is Alicia Camden. Haha! I just think this one’s so funny!

Spooky accurate, huh? All of Branson’s comics are for sale, and you can buy Branson t-shirts here. He has also written for this website and appeared on our “Invitation to Love” podcast.

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