It’s hard to pin down the timeline of 1994’s Forrest Gump: Forrest helps a man invent the smiley face, which was invented in 1963, after he fights in Vietnam, but seemingly just before the attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan.
One could possibly argue that when Forrest taught Elvis how to dance, instead of Elvis stealing his moves from black artists, the timeline split. But then the rest seems pretty conveniently close to the actual timeline, and we’ll save my theory that all Robert Zemeckis movies exist on the same alternate timeline for another article.
Speaking of alternate timelines, I know the book has a sequel! I don’t think it makes my pitch any less brilliant– much like how the original Star Wars sequel novels’ plots have been disregarded as non-canon but replaced by an arguably much more compelling story.
Here’s the thing: Forrest Gump was born in 1944, meaning he is only 38 when the film ends. Assuming that Forrest and Forrest, Jr. don’t have HIV too (which honestly we do not get a good answer on), he has a lot more years of living. He could even still be alive today. He would only be 73 and with his amazing luck and running skills, he could be a straight up GILF.
“Why does this matter?” You may ask. “Why are you obsessed with the timeline of a 23 year old movie?” Well because, I am pitching the most exciting movie of the last 23 years: Forrest Gump 2: Gumpy Old Man.
Alternative titles include, Forrest Gump 2: This Time He Finally Meets A Historically Important Woman, Forrest Gump Part Deux: We Promise the Kid Didn’t Get AIDS, and Forrest 2: the Re-Gumpening.
- 1986, age 42: The Challenger explodes while Forrest is buying ice cream on a Florida beach. He turns to the ice cream seller and says, “Momma used to say wishes on shooting stars are the most important wishes.” The ice cream vendor quietly sheds one tear.
- 1989, age 45: Forrest invents the Internet. When some geek couldn’t get it to work after months they give up and Forrest turns it on by accident when he spills chocolate on it.
- 1993, age 49: Forrest comes up with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It already sounds like something he would say. He keeps that secret that Jenny was molested by her own father for all those years in the first one.
- 1995, age 51: Forrest is hiding behind a curtain in the oval office because he gets lost while receiving a private tour for donating a large sum to Hurricane Allison relief. While he is behind the curtain, he sees Monica Lewinsky going to town on President Bill Clinton. He then rejoins the tour and tells Hillary about how his mom slept with his school principal.
- 1999, age 56: Forrest stops Y2K from happening. He is dancing at a New Year’s party in New York after his son moves there to go to Columbia Journalism School and he knocks out a huge plug right at midnight and plugs it right back in after effectively rebooting the whole network.
- 2001, age 57: Forrest is working as a hotdog vendor on the streets of the FiDi. He saves a young Lady Gaga from 9-11. She later thanks him at the Super Bowl, which he is watching with his grandson on TV.
- 2008, age 64: No mention of Obama is ever made in this film. The first film does not mention the very important black history that was happening all around the plot and neither will this.
- 2016, age 72: Forrest votes for Trump because if you think that a veteran from Alabama named after the founder of the KKK didn’t vote for Trump, I don’t know what to tell you at this point
- 2017, age 73: Forrest, Jr. can no longer look his father in the eye.